Born a good girl…

… but somehow somewhere it turned out slightly different.

I was the good kid at home. First child to my sweet middle class parents. My dad the headmaster of the local school. Of our small town. So everyone knew en knows me. And i do mean everyone!
Anyway. I was the good kid. Polite, good student, lots of community work, everyones favorite babysitter, never late for curfew, never drunk (that they knew of), good grades, loved reading books more then going clubbing, loads of friends (the good kind of friends),… In every single way the model-daughter. Well, not in every single way, cause always overweight so never really the ‘model’ actually. But you get what i mean. I probably had my ‘moments’ and nobody goes through puberty without moodswings. But i took very good care of my role as ‘good daughter’. In the same time my brother took very good care of his role as ‘trouble maker’.

I went through high school without any problems. I got my bachelor degree. And i went on to university were i got another bachelor degree and then i got my masters. Again, without any problems. Without ‘bad friends’. Without ‘going of the tracks’. No alcohol or drugs or other stuff to worry about. The week after i got my masters degree i found a gorgeous, kind of victorian, appartment to rent. In my own small town. So yes, i’m to blame: it was my own choice to stay in this community! My parents and family were thrilled. I found a job instantly. Again, in this town. After a while i ‘promoted’ to another job. Outside town, but i kept on living in my apparment in town. And i kept on ‘promoting’. My career was flying, my friends were loyal, i had a good income, the bond with my family was strong, i lived in a fantastic place and i didn’t have a care in the world. Kept on doing a lot of volunteer work in the community, went out with friends 3 times a week, but always in a sensible way.

I really was born a good girl. So where did it all go wrong? How could i be that same girl who shocked the whole town (and myself, and my family) by anouncing a surprise pregnancy?

A pregnancy that could not be. Medically that is. According to all the doctors i knew and had been seeing the last 10 years. A pregnancy that could not be. Because i didn’t have a boyfriend. Well, not that anyone knew of. And ‘boyfriend’ wasn’t the way to describe someone who just came around at night. To have sex. And leave in the morning. He did come around a lot. But that still doesn’t count.

The image i had in the small town (up to that point): the good girl. In every sense of the word. The image he (my little baby’s father that is) had in the small town: deadbeat guy, loser, good-for-nothing, white trash. I’m not being harsh on him. It is what his image is. And to this day he’s doing little or nothing to change that. But neither do i…

My girl will be 3 next week. After 3 years little girl added up with 9 months pregnancy, i’m still the biggest gossip this little town has encounterd in the past decades… I’m pretty sure parents use me as an example to their young daughters. To show what could happen if you lose track of the ‘good girl path’.

I’m no longer the pregnant girl. I’m now the single mom. I have my ups and downs. As does everyone else. I’m still watched by a whole town, but that’ll probably never change, so i’m growing used to it.

Sometimes i’m struggling, sometimes my life goes smoothly. Most of the times it’s pretty nice to be me. I may have lost my ‘good girl image’, but i’m living my life. And loving it…